Monday, April 27, 2009

Sprinkling Words Like Litter

Hemi doesn't read as much as I do.

Hi folks,

This is Cosette. Hemi was careless enough to be going to the litterbox for a break -- without closing his Blogger account. It seems this little punk is such a wordsmith, that he doesn't even think about the details of shutting down blogger because he doesn't think I'm literate enough to put a blog together.

As you can see from my picture, not only am I an avid reader (and I have an Avid microchip to prove it), but mom depends on me to help prepare her for her classes. To be honest, I'm the brains behind all of the preparation mom must do for class. I'm not trying to undermine her abilities in any way, and I'm sure she's an adequate teacher, but look at the above picture of me planning her course.

Pictures don't lie. Hemi, on the other hand, is another matter.

I'm not saying he doesn't look cute with his tuxedo and all that; it's just that he calls himself "the ladies' man," flirts with mom and her friends, and prances around all Hollywood-like -- with his stump up in the air.

And he thinks he's a hot shot just because he is a Manx breed. But see, the truth is, he's not show quality. If he were show quality, he'd have a tail that kind of curls down, not a mere stump. Now lest you think I'm jealous, I'm not. I never brag about my breed or striped pattern. I know I'm not show quality, and I'm proud of the way I was made.

But Hemi is all, "I'm a tuxedo this" and "I'm a tuxedo that" and "Look at my cute little gloved paws," and "I'm the man of the house," and "Look how I can use my long paws to reach into the bottom of mom's glass and get what little bit of milk there is left." He doesn't understand why she's disgusted? Well, Hemi, here's a clue:

She doesn't know where your paws have been!

Now in terms of the turds outside of the litterbox, nobody can blame me; I'm a bit stressed out that this interloper acts like a dog by wagging his tail and purring simultaneously when he's happy. Frankly, it kinda freaks me out.

And it's hard when for eight years, I've been mama's baby, and she and I have had such a nice history, and here comes Mr. Sophistication trying to steal mom's attention. But the nice thing is that every night, it is ME cuddling up with mom, not him. The bed is MY territory.

Nevertheless, I am warming up to him and do like him, maybe even love him. But it's not that kind of love, so get your minds out of the gutter. We are both neutered. I think we're like siblings.

Sorry for being in such a bad mood, but I've been working on the same hairball for over a week now, and even though I went to the vet (and you don't even want to know what they did to me!), I'm still trying to throw it up or poop it out. My mommy always takes great care of us.

Bow wow for now,

(PS) Hemi will get mad at me deliberately messing up his signature ending. LOL


  1. Beth, Cosette definately has a literary edge. I've been grading papers for the past two days so it's refreshing to see that your cat knows how to spellcheck.

  2. Thank you for your kind words about Cosette's academic ability. Maybe she could tutor some of your students?