Not KO'd, but You're OK

....for now. I haven't KO'd the OK Kid, but I'm just letting him know who's in charge.

Recently, Hemi misinformed our dear readers that I was in a state of uncontrollable hissy-fitness. However, this self-proclaimed "genius," who never actually took IQ tests because we all know they're fake anyway, was doing things to deliberately provoke me.

Now after I take my boxing mitts off (I've been typing with my toes), I will explain.

There, all better.

Mom and her friends lavish all their love on Hemi since they are drawn by his "pheromones" and "wily ways." I hate to admit it, but the brat's got some kind of spell over them. He's like a magician who just wants me to "poof" and disappear from every room he's in.

He sits in the lap of luxury, while this mama's boy croons over mom's lap. He hogs the bay window as much as he hogs the food. This scrappy critter eats what should be my scraps, so it's no wonder we get into scrapes.

I am crabby because I am HUNGRY. And I am sick and tired of him bragging about all of his supposedly good qualities.

In addition, we must share the same litter box. He creates Hemi mountains of urine. When he pees, it sounds like the tropical rainforest after a monsoon. He just stands there and pees while I finish my novel.

Not reading a novel. Writing one on all things cat coming to a bookstore near you in summer 2010 LOL.

In addition, I always enjoy quiet, but Hemi runs on these wooden floors like a maniac. Back and forth, back and forth, and the noise is tromp, tromp, tromp from his crazy little gallop. Sliding on the mats, smacking into the litterbox, causing the litter to fly everywhere, wafting his pungent pee odor.

And frankly, I've been jealous that he's gotten so much of the attention and so much of the food.

I just wanted to feel loved.

But luckily, my mom is smart, and she knows her baby girl instinctively. She has been pouring extra TLC my way, and keeping the feline hound from my food bowl. Mom is being so good to me, that it's time to take off the boxing gloves and declare this round over.

A Tall Tail

This is Cosette. If you read the last blog post, Hemi was griping about how "underfed" he was that day that mom and her friend forgot to feed him enough food. Well, he's being a tad dramatic and has not gotten the story straight. The truth is, he is the food-grubbing member of the household -- eating mom out of house and home.

Today, for example, mom's friend picked him up to kiss him and said, "Wow, you've gained weight, Hemi." Now if a cat is underfed, he wouldn't be at a healthy weight. That was just one day that he wasn't fed enough at our household, and then mom and her friend were nauseatingly pouring accolades onto him due to their guilt. They then fed him almost a half-can more!

I, on the other hand, must deal with a whining brat who barrels over me to eat any morsel that belongs to me! Mealtimes are really bad, and I've had to stand up for myself to keep this interloper from eating what rightfully belongs to me.

Here's how mealtimes are at our household:

1. Mom gives me my anti-throw-up pill. Hemi and I are starving.
2. A half-hour later, mom sets down my bowl, the ration: a half-can. Hemi cannot be fed yet because he eats so fast that once he finishes, he badgers me for my food.
3. Mom has to stand guard in the kitchen so that Hemi doesn't barrel over me while I eat, hearing Hemi give plaintive cries. Trust me, I'm bigger and stronger and could knock him over with a single blow, but I choose to use my power for good instead of evil.
4. If mom leaves too early while I'm eating, I am curious and walk away, and Hemi scarfs down my food.
5. When mom feels I've had enough of a head start from this eating machine, she gives him his ration: a half can, which he eats faster than you can say, "Hemi is a hoggie."
6. I usually leave over a teaspoon or so of food, which Hemi gladly eats.
7. I do get the joy of hissing at him when walking away from him in the kitchen.
8. The same happens at night, minus the hiss.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear up any misconceptions about Hemi's and my feeding routines. He's so pig-like, that I'm surprised he hasn't yet given us Swine Flu.

Sow for now,

Cosette