Thursday, May 7, 2009

Underfed and Fed Up


My mom is sleeping, so I figured I'd take advantage of this quiet time to write about a not-so-nice experience I had yesterday.

As you can see, I'm laying on top of my suitcase (formerly someone else's but now mine, although Cosette and I take turns) because if this keeps happening to me, I'm going to simply pack up my catnip toys and run away from home. I'm a good hunter and can live on wildlife. Right now, I hear birds chirping outside, so I know there's plenty of food outside.

There wasn't plenty of food for me yesterday, though, and this is the incident I must discuss. I had a nice morning meal, but at night I was food deprived. My mom was doing something called "teaching," and she asked a friend to pop by and feed Cosette, who needs a pill a half hour before she eats -- otherwise she upchucks.

And that ain't pretty.

Well, my mom made sure to tell her so-called friend all about Cosette's tender stomach, so when this person, whom I normally love, stopped by, she assumed I had already been fed. And you know what happens when you assume!!

So, to make a long story short, she got the lion's share of the food -- three-quarters of a can to be exact -- and I got the shaft by getting a stingy one-quarter "snack" because my mom failed to tell her that I hadn't eaten dinner yet.

I am appalled at this lack of service, and one day you may just find me the subject of one of those Animal Planet shows about neglected animals. What the heck, I might even make it on Oprah. And then, watch out world!

So when mom got home (she cares more about her students than me), she and her friend were "communicating," and mom told her I hadn't eaten dinner before she left for school. The friend was all -- "Oh Hemi I'm so sorry!" "You poor boy," "No wonder you seemed so hungry," "I thought you were just being your typical food-hound self."

How dare she compare me to a hound!

So I was finally given my due and fed. Like they did me a big favor. However, I must admit that I enjoyed the guilt-induced hugs, kisses, praises, etc. that were give by these two dottering humans.

Hey, they can take lessons on communication from cats. We say what we mean to say and don't miscommunicate. Humans, on the other hand, need to hone their communication skills with each other and other species.

There is an upside to this story: the humans became our puppets, using our favorite toys to play with us. Lemme tell you: Cat Dancer and Da Bird rock, although I am still coughing up feathers that my hungry self ingested from the bird toy.

Meow for now,



  1. "I am appalled at this lack of service"

    I hear the same thing from my students when they fail my classes and then ask to finish their work after the fact.

    Another excellent post Hemi. The crap you put up with.

  2. Hi Jeannie,

    Here's Hemi's response:

    "Thank you for your support, Jeannie. I do put up with a lot of crap. Not just metaphorically. I wish Cosette would crap less, but that won't happen when she gets fed more."