A Tragic Love Triangle

Hello friends. It's been a long time since I wrote my column, and I'm sorry I've been remiss.

Truth is, I have been going through some issues -- issues of the heart. As you can see by the photo, I've put myself in self-imposed exile, all because I am a tail of unrequited love.

See, the object of my affections is an adorable baby girl who joined our family about four months ago. See, whenever I see her, I go all pet-and-purr me!!

However, although I demonstrate affection to her and although I let her pet my coat, Manx tail, and try to win her affection with my wiley ways, she forfeits my affection in favor of the brown tabby of the house, Cosette.

This is what I don't understand; Cosette never seeks her out and, at the likelihood of sounding snobbish, I must say she's a common brown tabby furball, nothing special like me, a tuxedo Manx. Cosette does have rabbit-soft fur, but that's all there is to her.

And yet, I watch in dismay as the little human girl turns away from me and toward Cosette. The baby keeps greeting her with "Hi," and "Hey." Cosette always turns the other way.

Yet, the baby human is enamored of Cosette and not me.

And that's sad.

But I haven't yet given up hope. Once the baby human is acclimated to her environment more, I'm sure she will choose me as her favorite cat-in-waiting.

Thinking Outside the Box, Drooling Problems

Before you hear anything from Cosette, I admit it: I pooped outside the litterbox -- but with good reason. Cosette is a bully and tends to rush me out of the box even before my turd has made its final exit. Sometimes she just stares at me, and even if she doesn't mean to do so, she intimidates me.

Luckily, mom is very patient with me and realizes that I'm thinking outside the box -- and following through. While this may seem extreme, dear readers, it is not. If you did a statistical survey, you'd realize that only one of seven of my little dumplings are left outside of the box. The rest land on Hemi Mountain.

And lately I overheard mom joking with her friends about my drooling problem. If I were not a fancy ladies' tuxedo man(x), I would feel emasculated and devalued. But I notice that the baby drools a lot because she is doing something called "teething." I only drool when I'm purring, as any proper ladies' man should be doing. There's nothing wrong with a little saliva.

The problem lies in a certain cartoon with a drooling tuxedo cat that is poked fun of by people around the world:

Sylvester's drooling is laughed at, and frankly, I'm fed up with this. How come when babies, such as our new little addition, drool, people think it's so cute?

Cat slobber is way more clean than human slobber. After all, ours has a cleansing agent, which is why we -- especially me -- are able to look so handsome. Since the little human has joined us, she has slobbered all over my tuxedo, making it a bit sticky and harder for my rough tongue to remove it.

Still, Cosette and I do love the little tyke. We especially can't wait for all her teeth to come in so the drooling can cease and desist. Of course, then she'll be biting us with her new chompers.

Sprinkling Words Like Litter

Hi folks,

This is Cosette. Hemi was careless enough to be going to the litterbox for a break -- without closing his Blogger account. It seems this little punk is such a wordsmith, that he doesn't even think about the details of shutting down blogger because he doesn't think I'm literate enough to put a blog together.

As you can see from my picture, not only am I an avid reader (and I have an Avid microchip to prove it), but mom depends on me to help prepare her for her classes. To be honest, I'm the brains behind all of the preparation mom must do for class. I'm not trying to undermine her abilities in any way, and I'm sure she's an adequate teacher, but look at the above picture of me planning her course.

Pictures don't lie. Hemi, on the other hand, is another matter.

I'm not saying he doesn't look cute with his tuxedo and all that; it's just that he calls himself "the ladies' man," flirts with mom and her friends, and prances around all Hollywood-like -- with his stump up in the air.

And he thinks he's a hot shot just because he is a Manx breed. But see, the truth is, he's not show quality. If he were show quality, he'd have a tail that kind of curls down, not a mere stump. Now lest you think I'm jealous, I'm not. I never brag about my breed or striped pattern. I know I'm not show quality, and I'm proud of the way I was made.

But Hemi is all, "I'm a tuxedo this" and "I'm a tuxedo that" and "Look at my cute little gloved paws," and "I'm the man of the house," and "Look how I can use my long paws to reach into the bottom of mom's glass and get what little bit of milk there is left." He doesn't understand why she's disgusted? Well, Hemi, here's a clue:

She doesn't know where your paws have been!

Now in terms of the turds outside of the litterbox, nobody can blame me; I'm a bit stressed out that this interloper acts like a dog by wagging his tail and purring simultaneously when he's happy. Frankly, it kinda freaks me out.

And it's hard when for eight years, I've been mama's baby, and she and I have had such a nice history, and here comes Mr. Sophistication trying to steal mom's attention. But the nice thing is that every night, it is ME cuddling up with mom, not him. The bed is MY territory.

Nevertheless, I am warming up to him and do like him, maybe even love him. But it's not that kind of love, so get your minds out of the gutter. We are both neutered. I think we're like siblings.

Sorry for being in such a bad mood, but I've been working on the same hairball for over a week now, and even though I went to the vet (and you don't even want to know what they did to me!), I'm still trying to throw it up or poop it out. My mommy always takes great care of us.

Bow wow for now,

Cosette
(PS) Hemi will get mad at me deliberately messing up his signature ending. LOL

Welcome to My Site

Hi Dear Readers:

My mom is sleeping now, so I snuck onto the computer to write my very first blog. I was observing her set up her Calling the Shots blog, and so when she went to bed tonight, I set up mine. Of course, it's harder to be agile on the keyboard with paws instead of hands, but I managed just fine -- thank you very much.

This blog will be about all things cat -- mostly about a very special tuxedo manx cat: ME!! But I am not narcissistic. I will give kudos to the other feline family member in our household, a 10-year-old brown tabby named Cosette, when she deserves it.

She's a pretty thing, but as we are both neutered, we are more like siblings. Both of us took some time to get used to each other, but Cosette and I are pals -- we play wrestle and co-exist peacefully. Cosette may be older, but she can outlast me in any wrestling competition. But I'm more agile, like a gazelle.

I'm the writer of the household, so I can give you a unique perspective what it's like to be a cat living in the Gainer household. We were both rescued from a near-certain death, and for that I'm forever grateful. My recent vet exam was A-OK, even though I felt very violated by a woman doctor, of all people!!

Cosette and I strongly believe in animal rescue and adoption from shelters/foster homes. Prior to entering my forever home, I shared a foster house with 14 dogs and 4 cats (at least I think that's accurate). Anyway, I really appreciate the woman who saved me. She found me two winters ago with an infected leg, and she was kind enough to take mercy on me and get me treated. She has a great heart and cares so much about saving as many animals as possible.

But let's face it, I had to share space with too many animals, so this woman gave me the ultimate gift: a chance to live in a home where I could be the center of attention and my handsome-ness could be appreciated.

So in early December, she introduced me to my adoptive mom. Compared to where I came from, this is like Club Med. I'm getting the peace of having only one other furry animal in the house.

We all are very happy together.

Well, it's time for my post-nap sleep. The great thing about being a tuxedo cat is that if I get any last-minute invitations to a gala or something, I can wake up already dressed to the nines. Oh, and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the Manx breed, we are born without a tail or with a stub of a tail, but our whiskers are extra long to help us balance.

I am very happy with how I look and groom myself so I look my best. However, every once in awhile I do get a pang of tail envy. I see how my mom admires my sister's beautiful tail. But overall, I have a great self image.

I will blog regularly, and I hope you all enjoy reading it.

Meow for now,

Hemi